10 Hints For Talking About Sex

How to Chat About the Cha-Cha-Cha

Photo by Filipp Romanovski on Unsplash

2024 is still all shiny and new.

That means it’s as good a time as any to talk about what? S-E-X!

Can I tell you something? People are still reluctant to speak about sex —even though life is sexually transmitted!

...birds do it, bees do it
Even educated fleas do it...

Romantic sponges, they say, do it
Oysters down in Oyster Bay do it...

Electric eels, I might add, do it
Though it shocks 'em, I know...

Mosquitos, heaven forbid, do it
So does every katydid do it...

In shallow shoals, English soles do it
Goldfish in the privacy of bowls do it...

Lyrics from "Let's Do It" written by Cole Porter (1928)

Folks might talk around sex. Some brag and boast. 🥱 Others insinuate and allude.

But let me be clear — talking in a circle is just that.

The boasting braggarts who insinuate and allude are just as shy as the folks who blatantly avoid the subject.

But here's the thing… we should be talking about sex —often. And I’m not just talking about the safer sex conversation (that’s a post for another day).

We need to talk about what we need… how we like it… when and how we want it… ALL THE TIME.

I’ve already lost some of ya’ll.

Talking about sex is healthy.

But of course, there are plenty of reasons why we dance around it. Like…

Cultural or Religion: Some of us were raised in environments where sex is seen as strictly private or even taboo, making it a no-go zone for conversation.

Fear of Judgment: Society is a harsh critic, and nobody wants to be judged for what they like, what they’ve done, or for having little to no experience. Being labeled or shamed feels awful.

Undereducated: This one’s a biggie. When sex education is missing, incomplete, or shrouded in negativity, we have no idea what’s "normal" or how to even start the conversation.

Embarrassment: Talking about sex can make us feel exposed. Add uneasiness about your body, desires, or sexual history on top of that… oomph! 😮‍💨

Don’t Want to Offend: There's a genuine worry about stepping on toes, especially when it comes to partners with different backgrounds or values. Most of us didn’t have good examples of what it looks like to honor and respect differences.

No Fighting, Please: Let’s be real; talking about sex can lead to conflict, especially if there's unaddressed dissatisfaction or incompatible desires, libidos, etc.

Assumed Consent: Many folks mistakenly think, "If we're together, they'll know what I want." Or worse yet, “If we’re together, I can do whatever I want.” Some folks avoid talking about sex to steer clear of rejection.

Insecurity: Doubts about performance or desirability can make us clammy. So, instead, we shy away from talking about sex to stay out of the spotlight.

And this is just to name a few!

But if you’re brave enough, and I hope you are, I’ve got ten tips hints for talking about sex that’ll shrink the elephant.