5 Exciting Ways to Turn-up Your Sexy for Solo Pleasure
5 Exciting Ways to Turn-up Your Sexy for Solo Pleasure
For people with vulvas.
Aside from the sliver of moonlight peeking through the blinds, the room is black as pitch. And I’m lying on my back, knees bent, with my hand tucked between the hollow of my thighs.
The guttural sound of heavy breathing comes through my earbuds. “Ahhhh, fuck yeah,” says the deep gravelly voice. Beads of sweat begin to pepper my brow as my pulse quickens.
“Oh god,” says the voice. I moan in response. “Yes, yes… uh,” he replies.
“Oh yes, that’s what I fucking need. Ah, ah, mmph,” he continues. My fingers are moving faster now, keeping in time as the momentum as his desire gains speed.
He is not in the room with me, but somehow I can feel his breath panting against my ear. Tension builds in my groin. My fingers are a blur. And then we cum — together — kinda.
“Ahhhh,” he sighs in relief. I shudder and quake before drifting off to sleep. Thoroughly and completely satisfied from masturbation accompanied by audio porn.
While life is, and has always been, sexually transmitted — sex is still pretty taboo. The general population tends to air on the side of conservative, even more so with regard to people with vulvas and those who identify as female.
On the surface, sex in popular culture may appear to be female-leaning, but don’t believe the hype. Commercially speaking, female sexuality is primarily marketed toward men. As is evident in mainstream entertainment, including porn. However, the tide is turning, albeit slowly-as-fuck.
Sexuality and sexual identity are evolving, and people with vulvas around the globe are becoming more intimate with themselves, reclaiming their sexuality, and expressing their desires. And that’s a beautiful thing.
Self-intimacy can often have a steep learning curve. Getting familiar with your own body is not only revolutionary, but it’s also extremely vulnerable. Shame around sex and sexuality is a transgenerational wound that has been hitchhiking on the double helix for a very long time.
I believe in the power of sexual healing. Sex in and of itself is transformative on a cellular level. Who you are at the start of a sexual experience, good or bad, is not who you are when it’s done (good or bad). That’s why self-pleasure is so essential.
Sexual healing isn’t exclusive to partnered encounters. Solo sex is therapeutic and nourishing, too — after all, it’s sex with someone you love, or at least it should be.
If you are a vulva owner or identify as female, here are 5 exciting ways to turn up your TURN-ON during self-pleasure:
Bellessa — “porn for her”
People with vulvas have been objectified in porn for as long as most of us can remember. And by that, I mean forever. But imagine what porn would be like if it were really about female pleasure. Well, that’s what Bellessa is all about.
“Bellesa Films captures real, unscripted sex. No fake orgasms, ever. Performers are encouraged to communicate with their partner(s) throughout about what feels good/what they like. This open line of communication paired with the Carte Blanche that performers are given frees performers up to finally have real, unscripted sex- sex that feels good.” — Bellesa Films
Porn that includes consent?! 😳 Yes, and more, please!!! And sexy scenes that don’t exaggerate squirting or center “beating the pussy up,” is that even possible? Why yes, yes it is!
Bellesa has managed to put humanity back in pornography. No camera tricks or that-could-never-happen-in-real-life extreme scenarios. Just real people with real bodies having a really good time.
Dipsea — “short and sexy audio stories.”
I discovered audio porn a few years ago. Before then, erotica and explicit romantic fiction were my go-to source for turning myself on. But my body is highly responsive to sound, and audio porn tickles my fancy.
“Where sexual wellness meets storytelling,” how’s that for a tagline?! I think I might be in love — or at least in deep like! LOL
Dipsea is the very first audio platform that is focused on sexual wellness. The San Francisco-based company is female-founded. And their mission is all about “empowering you to tap into your sexuality on your own terms.” ← It just keeps getting better, right?!
Dipsea is a paid app, which you can find in the App Store. There are two payment options: monthly or annually, and there is a 7-day free trial. If it were possible to put a price tag on pleasure, I’d say this is a bargain!
Unsimulated Sex Films/Series
If you are like me and you love a good story anchored by sexual tension and erotic delights — keep reading.
Have you ever watched a movie where the sex scenes were so believable that you thought, “this must be real?” Well, you may have been right. There are movies where the actors have sex for real — that are not porn.
“unsimulated sex is the presentation in a film of sex scenes where the actors engage in an actual sex act and are not just miming or simulating the actions.”
The appeal of unsimulated sex is just that — real sex is hot. Authentic carnality is palpable in a way that can be very arousing to the viewer. I mean, if you’re going to watch sex, it might as well be real, right? 🤷🏾♀️
Here are a few movies/series that I recommend:
Below Her Mouth — this is the story of a steamy weekend affair between two women. The sexual chemistry is so hot it burns right off the screen. Make no mistake; this is a love story with high tension and terse dialogue. Described as “a cinematic voice to the female orgasm” by She Does the City. And did I mention that an all-female film crew created this masterpiece? Curious yet? I’ll bet you are. 😏 You can find it on paid streaming platforms like Amazon Prime.
High Society — I have a thing for foreign films, and if you do too, this one’s for you. High Society is a Korean drama about a couple who believes the grass is greener in the upper echelon. If you like your sex with a side of smut, check it out on Netflix.
Mrs. Fletcher (HBO) — this series is based on the 2017 novel by Tom Perrota of the same name. It’s the story of a brand new empty-nester who is rediscovering her sexuality in surprising ways. The storyline is as relatable as the title character. And while the sex scenes are simulated, the porn is real. Unfortunately, this hugely entertaining series wasn’t picked up for a second season, which I think is crazy, by the way. Season one is available on HBO now.
Sex Journaling
Many years ago, I took it upon myself to masturbate for 30 consecutive days. That’s when I discovered how arousing sex journaling could be. Sex journaling is exactly what it sounds like — a journal that specifically centers your sexuality.
Some people prefer to journal about actual events, while others enjoy writing as if style (fantasy). There is no right way — only your way. So feel free to do one or the other — or both.
Journaling is a great way to become more intimate with your desires, sexual expression, and to calm self-criticism. And of course, giving your sexuality space to unfurl and reveal itself can be liberating and very titillating.
And on those days when you’re feeling frisky in the company of Y-O-U, you can always thumb through the pages of your journal for a little erotic inspiration.
Here are a few prompts to help you get started:
What makes you feel sexy? (think atmosphere, texture, touch, words, music, situations, etc.)
What’s your fantasy? What would you like to experience or explore? Feel free to be as vanilla or kinky as you please. Remember, fantasies know no bounds.
Recount your most pleasurable sexual memories. Where were you? Who were you with (if anyone)? What did it smell like? What did it feel like? How did your body respond? Take this stroll down memory lane and be as detailed as possible.
If you are a visual person, feel free to use images from magazines or printed media from the web in your journal. Be intentional. Think of your sex journal as a personal vision board for what you would like to invite and experience.
Making journaling a regular part of your sexual practice will change your relationship with yourself, your body, and your sexuality in the most profound ways.
Self-Sensation Play
Masturbation does not always require outside stimulation. Sometimes you don’t want to think, watch, read, or listen. Sometimes you just want to feel — everything.
Sensation play is a great way to be present with your body and invite pleasure to pour into and out of yourself at the same time. There is nothing more arousing than exploring pleasure through the senses.
Taste, touch, smell, and sound are all delicious mediums to encourage arousal. Because sight is the sense that you probably rely on the most — I invite you to use a blindfold during sensation play.
Don’t know where to begin? Here are some of my favorite ways to play:
Hot n’ Cold — dip a washcloth in water as warm as you can take it. Then prepare a bowl of ice cubes. Begin by rubbing an ice cube over your arms and legs, before moving to your breasts and vulva. Resist clenching and continue to breathe in and out through your nose. Notice the goosebumps that spring up as your body responds to the temperature. Feel your nipples tightening, and your clitoris reacting to the sensation. Now take the warm cloth and press it firmly against your vulva — how good does that feel?
Light as a feather — take a feather duster and slowly drag it all over your body. Ostrich feathers are the best BTW. Pay attention to which parts of your body are the most responsive. Does it tickle? Do you enjoy the softness? Or are you craving something harder?
Touchy-Feely — drag your fingers over your skin. Start with the bend of your elbow, behind the back of your knees, and along the side of your neck. How does your body respond to your own touch? What happens when you add pressure? Imagine that your hand is your lover’s hand — does that change anything?
And don’t forget the props! Consider adding nipple clamps, a Wartenburg pinwheel, or a flogger to your self-pleasure toolbox. You might as well add some adventure to your exploration. 😉
These suggestions are just the tip of the iceberg. There are infinite ways to experience and explore pleasure — all by yourself. And remember, solo sex creates more opportunities to experience pleasure with a partner.
The sky is the limit…
Originally published in Sex in Real Life — Medium on August 25, 2020
Here’s my 3-part blueprint to sexual fulfillment — exclusively for vagina owners and people who identify as female. It’s free 😉
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