5 Reasons Why Generous People Make the Best Lovers

Whoever said nice people finish last wasn’t getting laid.

Feb 21, 2023

I was recently asked, by a former lover, why we stopped seeing one another romantically. At the time, busyness seemed to be the culprit. He was running several businesses, and I was getting my coaching practice off the ground. But in sitting with his question, I had to admit that it simply was not true. I wasn’t too busy to get busy.

In truth, I stopped seeing him because the sex was bad.

He and I have known one another for most of our lives. So our friendship has always taken precedence over the romantic stuff. We get along well. Our conversations have always been interesting and uplifting. But sexually, we are not the right fit.

He’s the type that will ask for sex without apology. Being straight to the point can be good, sometimes. But he’s also the type who wants to be pleased. Paying little to no attention to whether his partner is experiencing pleasure or not.

You won’t be surprised to know that he’s not very different outside of the bedroom.

I’ve always noticed how everyone around him is always doing everything for him. He’s so charming that most people don’t realize that they are doing his bidding. But the one thing that I’ve never seen is him waiting on someone else. Not that he’s stingy, but that doesn’t make him generous.

I truly believe that how we do one thing is how we do most things. And in this case, how he does life is how he does sex.

A 2016 Canadian study found that altruistic people had more sex. Which makes perfect sense, right? I mean, who doesn’t want to fuck a giver?

“Several researchers have suggested that altruism is a costly signal of desirable qualities, such that it could have evolved by sexual selection. In two studies, we show that altruism is broadly linked with mating success.”

The study even suggested that the more someone gave, the more sexual partners they had. I have seen this dynamic play out in my own relationships. As well as the relationships with my clients, family, and friends.

But it’s not just that generous people have more sex. I believe that generous people are actually better lovers!

Here are 5 reasons why this may be true:

It pleases them.

I once had a lover who I enjoyed simply because watching him receive pleasure was so arousing. Whenever we were together, I couldn’t keep my eyes off him.

Never had I ever seen someone surrender to pleasure so wholly and completely. Witnessing his body contorted in the agony of rapture was delicious! It was and still is one of the most beautiful experiences of my life.

Years later, I realized that I never had a single orgasm in the nearly 3 years that we were seeing each other. I didn’t notice at the time because it didn’t matter.

Generous people get pleasure from giving. It makes them feel good to see other people feel good. It’s that simple.

They give without expectation.

I once had a lover who was such a giver that he struggled to receive. Whenever I would give him a blowjob, he would stop me in the middle so that he could go down on me.

One day I insisted that he lie back and receive. Whenever he began to resist, he would hold his breath. And I’d remind him to breathe. It took quite a while for him to relax and allow himself to experience pleasure. When he finally arrived, he was totally spent.

He later told me that it was the first time he had ever had an orgasm from oral sex.

He was a giver. And he gave without the expectation of reciprocity. He was never looking for anything in return. He didn’t need kudos or pats on the back. The very act of giving was a gift to him.

And I was happy to return the favor.

They pay attention.

My lover recently bought me a bottle of coconut massage oil. His intention was to get fractionated coconut oil because of an article I wrote.

Generous people notice things. They pay attention to the little things that might seem insignificant, in and out of the bedroom. They pay attention because other people are important to them.

Generous lovers always make you feel like you matter.

Patience is their virtue.

For me, conversation is part of foreplay. Talking helps me to feel connected, and it also settles my nerves. No matter how much I love someone, there is a part of me that feels extremely vulnerable when it’s time to have sex.

Lying in bed, naked, talking with my lover is comforting. Skin-to-skin with no barriers between us. The conversation can last anywhere from 5–30 minutes. But he never makes me feel hurried.

He’s patient with my process.

Some things cannot be rushed, pleasure is one of them. Generous people know it takes how long it takes.

They practice gratitude.

“I am feeling spectacularly replenished after spending the morning with you. Thank you for being so generous and attentive. For listening and sharing. For mining my orgasms. And being an amazing snuggle partner…”

I sent this message to my lover not long ago after a particularly sexy morning. My heart tends to burst with love, adoration, and gratitude post-sex. And I’ve found that my lovers feel the same way.

Generous lovers never take sex for granted. There are no thoughts of obligation or being owed sex. No feelings of entitlement or license.

Partaking of another’s body is a privilege. One that should not be taken lightly. This is true for people with penises and vaginas.

I invite you to take inventory of your lovers’ past and present. Think about the lovers you’ve enjoyed and the ones you haven’t. Ponder the way you’ve shown up to your connections in the past versus how you show up in the present.

Does the amount of pleasure you experienced equate to your lover’s generosity?
Have you noticed how your own generosity shows up in your sex life?
How can you be more generous in your life, in and out of the bedroom?

I hope this post will encourage you to give a little (or a lot) more in your own life. And if you don’t know where to begin, gratitude is always a great place to start.