Casually Intimate: The Surprisingly Thin Line Between Hookups and Love

That's where the magic happens.

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We met on a dating app, but there was no chemistry —not at first.

I was impressed with his introduction. His words were as graceful as Misty Copeland dancing to Tchaikovsky. But he didn't have a profile pic, which normally would have been a deterrent. Yet, in this case, I was so taken by the eloquence of his prose that I responded despite my reservations.

Being the writer I am, I couldn't help but compliment his use of language. We messaged back and forth for a while, speaking only about writing. He emailed me a few of his self-published works; as I suspected, they were exquisite.

Not once did we discuss "us," and I was okay with that.

When he finally asked me out to dinner, I was thrilled. I imagined us discussing our literary idols over a bottle of wine. And he did not disappoint.

We met at a fancy Italian restaurant, complete with white linen tablecloths and flickering candlelight. He was just as tall, dark, and handsome as his words on the screen. We ordered, and the conversation flowed effortlessly.

Hours passed in what felt like minutes. We talked about the books that inspired us to pursue the craft. We discussed the parallels between our relationships and the themes in our works. We shared our writing dreams and aspirations.

I was intrigued by his intelligence and wit. He was charming and funny. I could have talked to him forever.

It was one of the best first dates I'd ever been on.

I was still unsure whether there was any sexual chemistry. But then he asked the million-dollar question: "Would you like to spend the night with me?" I'm sure you don't have to guess what my answer was.

I followed him back to his place, where we continued the conversation, this time without words. It was beautiful and sweet. His touch was as delicate as his writing. I could feel the lust in his kiss.

He took his time surveying my anatomy with the patience and care of a seasoned archaeologist. His eyes stayed fixed on mine as he lowered himself into me. We moved together, our bodies intertwined like the characters in our stories. I could feel his heart beating against mine, and I knew I would remember that night forever.

The following day, we lay in bed, smiling and content in each other's arms. We didn't need words to communicate; everything we needed to say had already been expressed through our bodies. We made love slowly and passionately, exploring each other differently than we had before.

As I gazed into his eyes, I knew there was definitely chemistry between us —the kind that can't be found on any dating app. The kind that can only be unearthed through shared experiences, vulnerability, and intimacy.

We chatted as I dressed to leave. We didn't concern ourselves with if or when we would see one another again. There were no promises of forever or declarations of love.

We simply shared a knowing look and a long, lingering kiss goodbye.

Because sometimes, chemistry creeps up by surprise. Like a thief in the night, it takes you by the hand and steals your heart before you even know what hit you.

As my car yielded to the flow of traffic, I thought to myself, "If I never see him again, that would be okay."

It was precisely what it was supposed to be—a lovely, deliciously pleasurable experience that left me satisfied and content.

And for that, I was grateful.

Can casual sex be intimate?

Absolutely.

But only if you're open to allowing yourself to be vulnerable with someone without the expectation of commitment or labels, then yes, solo sexcapades, hookups, and even booty calls can be very intimate.

Honesty is the key that unlocks the potential for intimacy in any relationship, whether casual or committed. When there is space for things to unfurl without force, anything can happen.

But the moment you try to control the outcome, you risk losing the connection altogether.

Feelings have but a single requirement — to feel.

Whenever oxytocin is present, you will feel enamored with the other person. It's what gives sex the power to bond two people together, whether they want to be or not.

This is why one-night stands can be so fraught with emotional peril.

But what if the compulsion to act on feelings was removed?

What if you could feel how you feel without the urge to do anything about it?

Can you imagine what that would be like?

Picture this: you're at a party, and you meet someone. You hit it off and end up making out. But instead of taking things further, you both agree to go your separate ways.

Or you hook up with someone you met on Tinder, on the soda aisle, or at a bar, and the sex is mindblowing. But instead of exchanging numbers or planning a second date, you say goodbye and go your separate ways.

What if you could fall in love again and again without the expectation of anything beyond the moment?

No strings attached. No heartbreak. No feelings of betrayal or jealousy.

Just pure, unadulterated connection.

Now that would be intimate.

Intimacy doesn't have to be complicated. It can be as simple — and as beautiful — as two people sharing a moment in time.

It all boils down to staying in the room and being open to whatever may come of it —and accepting what may never be.

That's the sweet spot. That's where the magic happens.

And that's how you know it's real —and fleeting —and worth savoring — for however long it lasts.

*Fine print: It's also okay to want more than fleeting moments. You're allowed to want (and have) whatever you like. 😉