Do You Have to Be Sexually Compatible to Have Good Sex?

Not at first...

Photo: Depositphotos by VitalikRadko

“Ouch.” That was what I was constantly saying or thinking while we were having sex. Even after 12 years of learning one another physically, emotionally, and sexually, I was still saying ouch.

Outside of the bedroom, we enjoyed one another very much, always did. But, sexually speaking, we were just not a match.

I was a tortoise type, and he was more of a hare. For me, foreplay was not an overture to sex; it was sex itself, the kind that led to maximum arousal and potential fulfillment. And for him, foreplay was a means to an end, preferably as quickly as possible.

Not to say that the sex was never pleasurable or that orgasms didn’t happen. But here’s the thing, sometimes pleasure occurs by chance, and sometimes orgasms are just a physiological response to stimulation.

You might be asking why I stayed for so long. The short answer is — it was complicated, and I loved him. And while sex was, and still is, very important to me, at the time, I thought that it was a liveable situation. And it was… until it wasn’t.

Good sex makes the other stuff more palatable. But when it’s not good, the other stuff can quickly become intolerable. And over time, the little things become big things. Where sex may have once been a healing salve, it evolves into a point of contention. Then resentment sets in, which can be nearly impossible to overcome.

In my case, there was no recovery. Of course, sexual incompatibility was only one of our issues, but it was a substantial one. And believe it or not, the sex was fine once upon a time — in the beginning. But because we were not sexually compatible from the start, it wasn’t sustainable.

So do you have to be sexually compatible to have good sex???