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Do you want to be better at sex?
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Do you want to be better at sex?

Ask what they want, then do what they say.

Stacey Herrera's avatar
Stacey Herrera
Mar 08, 2025
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Can I tell you something about good sex that most people miss entirely?

It's not the positions. It's not how long you last. It's not even that magical tongue technique you think is your secret weapon.

The best lovers I've ever had — and I've had a few — weren't necessarily the most experienced. They were the ones who asked what I wanted and then actually did it.

Sounds stupid simple, right? That's because it is.

A lot of us perform sex instead of participating in it. We're trying to be porn stars instead of partners, focusing on how we look rather than how we feel. And that’s a surefire way to stay unsatisfied.

Your ex's go-to move might make your current partner cringe. What you read in an article could be heaven for one person and torture for another.

Every body is different. Desires are subjective. Assumptions are the fastest way to mediocre sex.

Sex IRL 💋 is a reader-supported publication. You can unlock the full experience 🔐, for the cost of a bad cup of bougie ☕️.

Want to blow their mind? Say, "Show me how you like to be touched." Then shut up and pay attention.

And when they say "right there, just like that" — for fuck's sake, stay right there and do exactly that. Don't speed up. Don't slow down. Don't decide you know better. Just listen and follow their lead.

Great sex isn't rocket science. But it does use the scientific method.

Observe, Hypothesize, Test, Analyze.

So if you want to be better in bed, this is the formula: get curious, get specific, and get out of your own head.

Ask what they want. Then do what they say.

Everything else is just details.

Nobody's born knowing how to please every partner. But everyone can learn to ask the right questions. 😉

The best sex of your life is on the other side of curiosity.

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How Come We Never Talk About the Emotional Labor It Takes to Have Really Great Sex?
If you want to have enjoyable, fulfilling, and memorable sex — you gotta do the work.
Nov 30, 2022 • 
Stacey Herrera
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Sex IRL
How Come We Never Talk About the Emotional Labor It Takes to Have Really Great Sex?
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Aftercare That People with Penises Enjoy
5 tips to put the bada bing after the bada boom.
Apr 18, 2024 • 
Stacey Herrera
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Aftercare That People with Penises Enjoy
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How to Love Soft Penis S*x: Feel Good Ways to Indulge a Flaccid Cock
Pleasure is still available whether there’s a hard d*ck in the room or not.
Apr 24, 2023 • 
Stacey Herrera
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How to Love Soft Penis S*x: Feel Good Ways to Indulge a Flaccid Cock
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