How to Reignite Sexual Interest in Longterm Relationships

What to do when you've lost that loving feeling.

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“James” and “Alicia” were high school sweethearts who jumped the broom in their mid-20s. They were the kind of couple that everyone envies —attractive, successful, passionate, with off-the-charts chemistry —forever holding hands and stealing kisses when they thought no one was looking.

After ten years of marriage, they decided to start a family. Unfortunately, their efforts resulted in heartbreak after heartbreak. They tried to conceive naturally for a long time before seeking outside help. But the negative pregnancy tests, fertility treatments, and miscarriages weighed on them.

Their sex life went from fiery to nearly non-existent. And while they still loved each other very much, the stress and grief of infertility caused their once vibrant connection to grow cold.

“Sex feels like a chore. It’s just one more thing to do, and I’m exhausted,” Alicia confessed. My heart bled. Watching them grow apart was hard to watch.

It’s common for sexual intimacy to ebb and flow in long-term relationships. But it’s also true that with intention and effort, passion and romance can be rediscovered long after the honeymoon phase creeps to a slow crawl.

James and Alicia aren’t the only ones.

I hear similar stories from dissatisfied partners all the time. They’re all desperately seeking the answer to the same question, “How can we get that old thing back?”