Is There a 'Right' Way to Have S.ex?

That's a good question.

Unsplash+In collaboration with Andrej Lišakov

In the ever-evolving landscape of human sexuality, nothing is more personal than the sex that we have… had… or will have.

Sexuality is layered with stories (experienced and imagined), social conditioning, family history, body image, and mediated realities that shape how we perceive and engage in sexual activities.

So, it stands to reason that there is no singular "right" way to have sex.

And that’s a good thing.

The beauty of human sexuality lies in personalization —molding, interpreting, and experimenting based on what feels good.

The Illusion of "Normal"

Everything is a spectrum.

Let me say that again for the people in the back —EVERYTHING is a spectrum.

That being said, the limiting idea of what constitutes “normal” or acceptable when it comes to sex is nonsensical.

Normal is relative.

That means what might seem conventional to some may be entirely foreign to others —based on everything I mentioned before, plus upbringing, values, experiences, etc.

Of course, media (including porn) and popular culture tend to offer a homogenized view of sexuality that rarely reflects the true spectrum of human sexual desire or the nuance of sexually intimate relationships.

“Normal” is a social construct often stemming from outdated value systems.

When it comes to sexuality, “normal” should mean consensual and mutually fulfilling. Full stop.

Everything else is stereotypes and myths.

The Subjectivity of Sexual Preferences

If normal is relative…. sexual preference is subjective.

Our preferences are a hodgepodge of biology, emotion, experience, and circumstance. From sensation to turn-ons, comfort levels, and taboos, each of us is a mosaic of erotic potential hoping to be expressed.

For instance, factors like gender identity, cultural background, skill, and trauma history influence how we experience sex at the most basic level.

We owe it to ourselves to unravel these intricacies so that we can experience pleasure and be safe, judgment-free spaces for ourselves and our partners.

Put another way, you must be okay with liking what you like. But you might need to unpack some baggage and explore your mental and emotional innards to get there.

Mutual Understanding

Okay, so we’ve determined that sexual preferences are personal and normal is an illusion.