We imagine affairs as stories of heat and forbidden lust. Two people who simply couldn’t keep their clothes on or their hands off each other.
It’s a convenient narrative because lust is a recognizable sin.
But what if lust has little to do with it?
Recent data suggests that nearly 20% of partnered adults over 45 report feeling lonely within their relationships. That’s a staggering number of people living in “intact” homes while feeling completely solitary.
Conversations about infidelity center on blame and shame. But we rarely ask why people are more prone to breaking agreements when they feel invisible.
The danger of the “lust narrative” is that it forces us to solve for the wrong problem. If we think an affair is just about sex, we try to fix the sex. But if the affair is a workaround for loneliness, no amount of spicing things up will make it work.
In this week’s episode, I’m talking about my experience as both the cheater and the cheated. And why I believe that affairs are often an easy way to avoid addressing our needs directly.
Listen here (up there 👆🏾) or on your favorite platform.
