The Biggest Enhancement of Sexual Enjoyment Is Learning How to Ask, Tell, and Listen

Pleasure is like peeling an onion —layer upon layer reveals more and more.

Photo by Yohann LIBOT on Unsplash

For many years, I told myself that unsatisfying sex was the exception. But the longer I do this work, and the more people I talk to, the more I realize that pleasure-less sex is not the exception —it's the rule.

There are far too many reasons to count as to why so many people are not sexually fulfilled.

Sometimes it's a shortsighted view of sex or an inability to let go and be vulnerable. Sometimes it's about incompatibility. Other times, it's because of poor communication.

Then, of course, there are those who were raised on fire and brimstone rhetoric, taught that pleasure derived from sex is sinful. Others have been conditioned to believe that sex without pain isn't possible (not to be confused with BDSM or kink).

When I was younger, I, too, tolerated sexual dissatisfaction for far longer than I should have. It took many years and several partners to recognize that pleasure was something I deserved and not something only available to the other person.

Everyone deserves to experience their flavor of pleasure. Orientation, preferences, gender, race, nationality, ethnicity, age—none should be a barrier to feeling good, sexually or otherwise.

But that begs the question —why aren't more people having fulfilling sex? It's a complex question that I'm committed to digging into.

That's what this publication is about. Exploring the many facets and avenues of sex in real life, and creating a space for curiosity, shifting perspectives, and open dialogue.

For over a decade now, I have been helping people unlearn the behaviors that prevent connection, tear down the barriers that inhibit intimacy, and permit themselves to feel —everything. Through this journey, I'm continuing to understand the significance of pleasure in our lives.

And while we all know the importance of communication, consent, and safety in sex, I want to dive deeper.

I have found that the biggest enhancement of sexual pleasure is learning how to ASK, TELL, and LISTEN.

Now you're probably thinking, what does this mean?