The Initiation of Initiating Sex with the People You Like

If you were confidently direct, you could get laid more too.

Photo by LOGAN WEAVER | @LGNWVR on Unsplash

Passive agression is unsexy.

It undermines desire, muddles connection, and nips enthusiasm in the bud. It's a slow-burning fire that smolders and fumes, threatening to explode into flames but rarely does.

Where sex is concerned, there are plenty of reasons people choose the passive approach —fear of rejection is the number one. Then, of course, people can be selfish, and even when they don't mean to be, it's too easy to get wrapped up in their own needs and forget about the other person.

Whatever the intention, passive aggression is an ineffective way to get what you want.

"I wish my partner would initiate..."

This is a popular complaint among coupled penis owners.

The desire to be desired is natural, but passive aggression sends the opposite signal. It often comes off as thirsty instead of confident, which is a repellent to the object of your affection.

Instead of playing this game of hide-and-seek, rip the band-aid off and state your needs. Because as my favorite relationship therapist, Esther Perel, says, "confidence is the piece that allows you to deal with rejection comfortably.”

To put it another way, taking the leap and initiating, even when there is a definite possibility of being shut down, is a sign of bravery that will be appreciated more often than not.

The bottom line is: passive aggression is never the answer when it comes to getting fucked.

Eliminate potential misunderstandings

The elephant in the room is aware of the likelihood of confusion when you don’t state your needs. This is how well-meaning people get caught up.