The Plight of the Y Chromosome and Why It Wants You to See Its Member
The Plight of the Y Chromosome and Why It Wants You to See Its Member
The untold story of the male gaze.
When it comes to creativity, they say that it's all been done before. Yet, we go to great lengths to prove that we are the one-in-a-gazillion-unique-impossible-to-duplicate snowflake that is unlike anyone else on the planet. And while there are certainly vagina owners who feel this way, including moi, this piece ain't about us.
Today, I'm talking about the XYs... also known as penis owners, who identify as male.
I can count the days on one hand that I don't hear, read, or talk to a woman who doesn't complain about receiving a dick pic. You know, an unsolicited ding-a-ling picture. The kind of photo that makes you want to take a scalding hot shower... with sandpaper.
I think it's safe to say that most women find these photos as appealing as a pimple on their left ass cheek. So, why do men continue to do this?
A quick nature lesson
Did you know that peahens do not have those illustrious feathers? Real talk, their plumage is pretty drab. So how does a peacock get the ladies? He struts his stuff, opens up his big beautiful tail feathers, and gives her a little dance.
In other words, he shows off what he's got in an attempt to impress her. And it works!
But they're not the only animals with Y chromosomes who shows off to capture the attention of double X.
You know those nature docs that show blue whales hurling their blubbery mass out of the water and slapping their Herculean bodies on the surface? They're not just doing it for our enjoyment. It turns out they're trying to catch the eye of a female blue whale.
Elks have been known to butt heads and crash antlers in an epic battle to win the affection of a lady elk.
And let's not forget about the male lion. The king of the jungle spends his days lounging in the sun, roaring, and generally looking regal as hell... all to attract a mate.
The moral of this story is that males across the animal kingdom put on quite a show to prove their worthiness to a female. And trouser-snake-owning humans are no different.
The truth about the male gaze
You might be wondering why the make-up industry has never actively pursued men as their target audience. If the Y chromosome is the one that is vying for all this attention, why are women the ones shamed into painting our faces, plucking our brows, and donning Spanx?
Well, the short answer is: the male gaze.
But that doesn't tell the whole story.
See, while we women have been groomed and conditioned to go to great lengths to capture the attention of Johnson-owners, the truth is the average (and by that, I mean general) man is looking to be looked at.
In other words, women have been bamboozled into thinking that they are working for a man to see them, but what they don't realize is that most men are looking to be seen.
And that's where the knob pic comes in.
It's a way for a man to say, "Hey, look at me!" without actually having to put in the effort of, you know, being interesting or engaging in any way.
But what if they are just, simply put, genetically programmed to "show off?”
Overriding biology
Now, before you get your metaphorical feathers ruffled, you should know that I am not condoning gratuitous cock exposure. And for all my sex-positive peeps, I am not shaming anyone who chooses to partake in such behavior (with the recipient's express consent).
The reason that I cannot, in good faith, give XYs the benefit of the doubt is because, unlike the animals previously mentioned, the human brain is large (and evolved) enough to override biology.
That's right, folks, it turns out we humans are unique, after all!
That means that men have the ability to opt out of their genetic destinies as feather-flashing peacocks and butt-head elks. But for some reason, some (not all) men insist on sending images of their shlongs out through the interweb.
So next time you see a peacock, remember that he's just doing what comes natural to him. But if you should be the unlucky recipient of a cock shot that you didn’t ask for, just know that he is making a conscious decision to be a dick.
We can only hope that someday, the men who have not yet learned to use their words to ask, "may I show you my penis?" will eventually make the evolutionary leap and realize that there are better ways to get our attention. But until then, humans, beware of the Y chromosome's dirty little secret.
And that, my friends, is the untold story of the male gaze.
**Much love 💛 to all the respectful big-dick-energy penis owners out there — you know who you are. 😉**