Tips on How to Make Sure You Get the Best Results from Using a Lubricant
If you are sexually active, you should be using lube.
I was once in a relationship with someone who would get nervous every time we would have sex. He was comfortable in every other area, but when it came to sex, he would fumble.
It wasn’t that he was bad in bed. In fact, it was quite the opposite. But he could never stop worrying that he would disappoint me. No matter how much I tried to reassure him.
Then I began to worry about his worry. As a result, I struggled to become aroused during foreplay.
It had nothing to do with attraction. We were very attracted to one another. But the attraction was not translating to arousal because we were both in our heads.
Do you know what happens to a vagina that is penetrated before it’s ready?
OUCH!
That’s right, it was painful —for both of us.
This went on for longer than it should have. Then we did two things that changed everything.
We extended foreplay, and we bought lube.
If you are sexually active, you should be using lube.
By yourself and with your partner(s). Because moist sex is good sex, without exception.
This is true for penises and vaginas.
The friction that comes from having dry sex is unpleasant. And it can be painful too.
Dry sex can create tears in the skin and all sorts of other problems.
So just in case you didn’t get the memo… lube is good for you!
Lube is not just for people who have bedroom problems. And not just for women who have gone through the “change” either.
Lube is for one and all. That means you too!
Your body’s got the juice.
The design of the human body is genius. Most models come with all the bells and whistles, including self-lubrication.
Penis owners secrete pre-cum (a.k.a. lube) for those hot and heavy moments.
Vagina owners secrete arousal fluid and cervical fluid (a.k.a. lube), which makes penetration way easier!
And let’s not forget saliva! If you have ever used saliva as lube, raise your hand?! I thought so.
While your body may do a great job in the moisture department, you might need a little more than that.
Natural lubrication is the result of your body cycling through the arousal process. But let’s be honest, sometimes you get to third base before your body does. Am I right?
Then there are the times when you don’t need lube to get the party started, but you need it to keep the party going!
Lube is just a good idea… period.
That’s why I’m taking you to LUBE SCHOOL!
I have compiled a thorough list of all the things you need to know about lube.
All lubes are not created equal. And it’s really important to choose a lube that will work well for your body.
Lube is particularly important for people who have vaginas. Because there is nothing worse than living with a pissed-off pussy.
Shall we begin?
Lubes typically fall under one of the following categories:
Water-based
This is the most popular type of lube. The human body is up to 60% water after all. So it makes total sense, right?
Plus, the clean-up is super easy!
Water-based lube is slick, not tacky. It won’t stain clothes or sheets. Not even the sexy satin ones.
If you have sensitive skin or are prone to irritation, water-based is the way to go.
But you should know that water-based lube tends to dry faster. I mean it is water-based lube. That means you will need to reapply more often. Which may not be that big of a deal.
Silicone-based
If you like it super slick, silicone-based lube might be for you.
This type of lube is great if you plan to go all night long (or all day, for the non-vampire types). Because of its silkiness, silicone-based lube will not require reapplication as often as water-based.
While some silicone-based lubes are latex and toy safe. Most are not.
Using silicone-based lube on silicone sex toys may cause the rubber to break down. When this happens, the toy texture becomes gummy, which is no bueno.
Silicone-based lube is safe to use with glass, plastic, and steel toys.
And FYI, silicone-based lube may stain clothing and sheets. It can also do a number on hardwood floors.
You’ve been warned.
Oil-based
If you enjoy a more velvety texture, go with oil-based lube.
Oil-based lubes are a happy medium. They last longer than water-based lubes but not as long as silicone-based lubes.
Oil-based lube is not safe to use with latex or non-latex condoms.
Oils can break down latex and polyisoprene (which is used to make non-latex condoms), which can cause condoms to tear and break. This goes for diaphragms as well.
Oil-based lube can also be very messy. The consistency of oil makes it hard to clean off toys and skin too.
But if you don’t mind the mess, it can be perfect for self-pleasure, water play, or barrier-free sex.
Hybrid
Most hybrid lubes are a combination of water-based and silicone-based lubes. So you get the slickness of water-based and the longevity of silicone-based.
But just like silicone-based lubes, you should never use hybrid lubes with toys unless the label advises otherwise.
Natural Alternatives
The first thing you should know is that there is no universal definition of “natural.” Things like mineral oil, grapeseed oil, and coconut oil are considered natural, but that doesn’t mean genital-friendly.
But there are several water-based “natural” and/or “organic” lubes on the market. To that, I say, do your research. Not all ingredients have to be organic or natural in order to don the label.
If you’re uncertain, consult your doctor.
Beware of these ingredients:
Hear me when I tell you not all ingredients are pussy friendly. This is not a lesson you want to learn the hard way.
So listen up.
Glycerin
Glycerin is a metabolic byproduct of sugar that is often used in lubricants.
The keyword is sugar. And sugar is sugar, even when it’s given a fancy name.
Lubes that contain glycerin may cause yeast or other vaginal infections. And yes, penises can develop yeast infections too. But it’s less likely.
Err on the side of caution with this one.
Go sugar-free.
Propylene Glycol
Propylene Glycol is a humectant, which means it holds moisture. As well as a preservative. AND sometimes, it’s used as the base in antifreeze. Yes, you read that right.
While the Food and Drug Administration has deemed it safe, they also warn, “if you have repeated eye, skin, nasal, or oral exposures to propylene glycol for a short time, you may develop some irritation.”
Remember, oral exposure does not exclude genitalia. The tissue found in the mouth is very similar to the tissue found in the vagina. Which means it can cause vaginal irritation too.
Nonoxynol-9
This is a spermicide found in many contraceptive films, gels, and condoms. Some lubricants also contain nonoxynol-9.
Unfortunately, this spermicide can cause irritation. It has been known to disrupt the vaginal flora, which can make you more susceptible to infection.
While it might seem that a spermicide would be an added layer of protection against pregnancy, that’s not exactly true either.
According to World Health Organization, “there is no evidence that condoms lubricated with nonoxynol-9 are any more effective in preventing pregnancy or infection than condoms lubricated with silicone, and such condoms should no longer be promoted; however, it is better to use a nonoxynol-9 lubricated condom than no condom at all.”
And there you have it.
Petroleum
Is NEVER a good idea.
Petroleum should not be used with condoms because petroleum breaks down latex. And should not be used on genitalia in general because it increases the risk of infection.
Dr. Joelle Brown, a researcher at UC San Francisco, conducted a study with 141 sexually active women (aged 18–65) in Los Angeles. The study showed that the women who admitted to using petroleum-based products, like Vasaline, were twice as likely to have bacterial vaginosis.
So yeah, petroleum is NEVER a good idea.
Benzocaine
As the name suggests, this is a numbing agent that is found in some lubes. Why would you want a numbing agent in lube, you ask? To lessen pain and desensitize tissue. I will let your imagination fill in the rest.
According to the American Society for Colposcopy and Cervical Pathology, benzocaine “has a propensity to produce allergic contact dermatitis and should be avoided.”
So while benzocaine is not used in most lubes, it is something you should be wary of.
If you’re into desensitization, use ice.
A few other things you should know.
pH levels
Most lubes show pH levels on the label.
The pH in most healthy vaginas is around 3.8 to 4.5. The acidity helps to fend off the overgrowth of not-great bacteria. While encouraging pussy-friendly bacteria to thrive.
If you are going to use a water-based lubricant, choose one that falls within the healthy-pussy range (pH 3.8 to 4.5). This will lessen the likelihood of bacterial overgrowth. Yes, I’m talking bacterial vaginosis, which can be a beast to get rid of.
The anus tends to have a more neutral pH, ranging from 5.5 to 7. Much less acidic. So you’ll want to choose a lube that falls within that range for anal sex.
Warming & Tingling
When you’re dyeing your hair, experts recommend doing a strand test first. You apply the dye to a strand or two to see how your hair responds. And if it’s all good, proceed with the rest.
I recommend doing the same thing with warming or tingling lubes.
The idea of having a little extra sensation may sound good. But sometimes, it can be overwhelming, especially on sensitive genital tissue. Testing a teeny-tiny area first could save you the misery of overstimulation.
Flavored lubes
Tasty flavors can be great for oral sex. Because adding a little sweetness upgrades the oral experience to gourmet status, right?
WRONG.
Flavored lubes often contain glycerin, which I mentioned above. But at the risk of repeating myself, I will say it again.
Sugar is sugar.
The problem with flavored lube is not the taste, in fact, some of them taste rather good. But they are not good for vaginas. Period.
If you would like to slather flavored lube on a condom before giving a blow job, go for it. But be sure to do the old switcheroo if you plan to engage in vaginal penetration.
Unflavored condoms are best for vaginas.
My final answer is… avoid flavored lubes and condoms if you’re playing with pussy.
How do you choose the right lube for you?
Read the label - beware of artificial flavors, colors, and the ingredients I mentioned above.
Anal or Vaginal - you will need a different lube depending on what you plan to do with it.
Condoms/Diaphragms/Toys - if you are playing it safe or playing with toys, choose a lube that won’t fuck it up.
Sensitivities - if you have sensitive skin or are prone to irritation, look for sensitive formula lubes.
FAQ’s
What’s the safest lube to use with condoms?
Water-based is your best bet. Water-based lube is less likely to compromise the integrity of the condom. Meaning fewer breaks.
Can I use any kind of lube with toys?
I recommend water-based lube for toys. Other types of lube may cause rubber to break down.
Do I need lube if I am having sex in the bath, shower, or hot tub?
Yes! Having sex in water can actually cause more friction. Crazy, right? But it’s true. So if you’re enjoying water play, you definitely want to use lube.
Silicone-based lubes hold up really well in water. But remember, they should not be used with most toys unless otherwise noted.
Can I use lube for vaginal dryness when I’m not having sex?
You can, but I recommend consulting your doctor first, just in case.
What kind of lube is best for anal sex?
Water-based lube is best for anal sex, especially when you’re using condoms. Since the anus is not self-lubricating, lube is essential.
Like most things, you might not find the perfect lube right out the gate. But you know what they say… if, at first, you don’t succeed… blah, blah, blah.
I encourage you to peruse the aisles of your local sex shop. They usually have a much better selection of lube than the drug store. Plus, the staff is probably trained on this stuff. So ask questions, lots and lots of questions!
Your best sex life is just one squirt away (pun intended). 😉
Enjoy!
This was a fantastic article on the differences in lubes and uses.