Two different people that I know are experiencing low libido. Both are over 50. Different genders. Both have a rich sexual past. One is unbothered by the drop in sexual interest, and the other is mortified.
The difference isn’t the low libido. It’s the story they’re telling themselves about it.
The mortified one is convinced something is wrong with them. That they’re letting their partner down. That they should be able to flip a switch and want it again. They believe the shift in their sexual desire caused the cavern in their relationship.
The unbothered one is still living their best life. They’ve been married for 25+ years, and their spouse is still very sexual. Their relationship is teeming with sexual energy, but actual sex is only happening once or twice a month.
While it’s true that sex can sometimes be a gauge for the health of a relationship, frequency is not always indicative of desire or attraction. However, there is this unspoken rule that says, “If sex isn’t happening, something is wrong,” and that means there has to be a fall guy/person.
Should you be mortified or unbothered if you’re not doing it? Neither. Both. Depends.
Either way, beating yourself up isn’t the way to find out.
In this episode, we’re talking about what it actually feels like to be the lower-desire partner. The guilt. The shame. The pressure. And why staying curious beats forcing anything — including an explanation
Listen here (up there 👆🏾) or on your favorite platform.
