We have a gazillion stories about why sex stops feeling good in LTRs. We talk about fizzled attraction and long‑gone thrills. We blame time, responsibilities, kids, and bills (although kids and bills do cockblock, j/s).
Sometimes they’re just excuses; we love a good scapegoat.
But what if it’s not chemistry, bills, or those damn kids? What if we’ve just mentally or emotionally ghosted the relationship?
Yes, I’m talking about presence.
When you’re having sex in a body that’s technically there, but a mind that’s miles away, what did we think was going to happen?
Replaying conversations, drafting emails in your head, fantasizing about greener grass while trying to remember if you took the trash out.
Newsflash: bumping and grinding and going through the motions is not good sex.
Good sex requires presence.
You have to be in the room.
But presence is often scarier than being buck naked. It’s easier to peel off clothes than it is to bare your soul. Being seen with your complicated history, wobbly self‑esteem, and fear of not being enough can feel like too big a risk.
In this week's episode of Sex in Real Life, I'm talking about presence as the secret ingredient we avoid because it means showing up, for real.
Listen here (up there 👆🏾) or wherever you get your podcasts.
If this resonated with you, share the link with a friend
or, even better, with your partner.
