25 Unspoken Rules About S.ex That Every Grown Ass Person Needs to Know

Consider this a primer to getting busy. You can thank me later. 😉

Photo by Tima Rawhide on Unsplash

Sex… It's everywhere — in movies, music, and media, yet rarely portrayed accurately.

We're inundated with myths and misconceptions that distort our perceptions of sexual relationships.

Sex IRL is far more nuanced and subjective. Of course, every encounter is unique. But there are some universal truths that should be discussed openly with some regularity but too often go unspoken.

So, in the spirit of keeping it 💯, here are 25 unspoken but essential and mutually empowering rules of engagement for navigating the intricacies of sex and forging human connection.

Consider this a primer to getting busy. You can thank me later. 😉

1. Consent is not optional. An enthusiastic, freely-given, and unambiguous yes. Without it, it's not sex. It's assault.

2. It’s okay to change your mind. You can stop in the middle. You can rescind your consent. You can want something (or someone) different. You can enjoy something you didn’t like. Or stop enjoying something you used to love.

3. Sex should never hurt (unless pain is a consensually negotiated kink). Discomfort means it's time to pause, communicate, and adjust.

4. Your comfort matters. Speak up if something doesn't feel right. Comfort is QUEEN.

5. Have the safer sex conversation. Don’t make assumptions about status. Get tested and swap results before you get busy.

6. Foreplay is part of the main event. Don’t skip it, and don’t be stingy either.

7. Lube makes sex better. If you’re doing the do, you should be using lube.

8. Sex toys are your friend.

9. Sex can be loud or quiet, vigorous or languid, spontaneous or planned. As long as it's consensual, do you boo.

10. Communicate. Talk about desires, boundaries, and insecurities. Good sex requires emotional intimacy, and talking is intimate.

11. Sex ends when one person wants it to end. Mutual agreement is not required.

12. Orgasms are fantastic but not mandatory. Sex can be good without the climax.

13. Penetration is only one kind of sex. You can have good sex without getting poked.

14. Sex should never feel obligatory. You don’t owe anybody sex. Full stop.

15. Hygiene matters, but bodies ooze and reek. Sweat, fluids, and odors happen.

16. This bears repeating. Safe sex requires honesty about sexual health history. Get tested regularly.

17. Sex can be about pleasure. Birth control is everyone's responsibility. Don't rely solely on your partner.

18. Porn is entertainment. Real sex is not a performance —even if you’re recording it.

19. Respect each other. Honor vulnerabilities. Trust your truth. Emotions run deep. Don’t be a douche.

20. Aftercare is essential - clean up, cuddle, communicate.

21. Set the pace together. Check in regularly. Make sure everyone feels comfortable and unpressured.

22. Laugh, relax, have fun! Sex can be serious, but it doesn’t have to be.

23. Sex is a skill. It takes time. Don't judge yourself or your partner for learning curves.

24. Sex should feel good on the inside. Sex leaves an emotional imprint, even if you’re just hooking up. So mind your body and your heart.

25. Sex is collaborative. It’s not the "you” show, and it’s not all about them either. If you can’t fuck as an us, then maybe don’t.

This list is not exhaustive, but it is a framework.

“Feeling good is the primary intention,” and that includes feeling seen, heard, validated, and respected.

I hope this inspires dialogue… amongst other things. 😉