While perusing Reddit threads (because let’s be honest, that’s where some of the best, worst, and realest chats go down), I came across a post where they were describing being a “seat filler” in most of their past relationships.
In the comments, someone else admitted to feeling the same way, even after more than a decade of marriage.
Neither mentioned cheating. Nobody was yelling or throwing things or blatantly disrespecting anyone. Though I will tell you from personal experience that just being tolerated can feel pretty bad.
And who wants just to be tolerated? Feels downright shitty, am I right?
Anywho, the post got me thinking about how it can feel like you’re being pushed into the background.
Maybe you’re second to your partner’s career. Or to their kids from another relationship. Aging parents. The remote control. Or the apps and people who live inside their digital devices.
Sometimes life piles up so high that you feel completely invisible.
And then there’s sex…
If ever there was a place where you don’t want to be the side piece, it’s between the sheets.
You know what I mean? The kind of sex that feels disembodied and mechanical, like you could be anyone. And you clock it every 👏🏾 damn 👏🏾 time 👏🏾, because it leaves you feeling so lonely that you wonder if you ever mattered at all.
You deserve to be the main character in your own life. Not in a selfish kind of way. But make no mistake, you should be the headliner in your own experience. And naturally, you want your partner to be the headliner in theirs too.
Two co-stars. Both fully present.
That’s when the connection is for real. But when one person leaves the room, everybody loses.
This kind of awareness is all the way live after 40, because so much falls away.
You’ve probably lost people. Parents. Friends. Relationships. Jobs. So many different versions of yourself. That’s why you’re allergic to being overlooked and undervalued.
Ain’t nobody got time for that. Bullshit be damned.
Hence, the reason main character energy shows up so strong in the second half. We’re not talking about the selfish, fuck-it-all kind of energy. But the type that says, “I’m done faking it to make it.”
But that begs the question… How do you live like that and stay connected?
That’s what I’m unpacking in this week’s episode of Sex IRL.
