Confession: I have had sex with people I wasn’t interested in being in a relationship with. Or seeing ever again, if I’m keeping it 💯.
But that didn’t stop me from feigning interest.
Like so many of us, I thought catching feelings was supposed to happen. According to the unofficial handbook, it was either them or me. Either way, somebody was supposed to want more.
It sounds kind of stupid seeing it here in black and white. But don’t lie. I know you’ve been there, done that too.
But what the hell is that about?
Are we afraid of being labeled whorish? Or heartless? Maybe both?
The lore demands that sex be the ultimate proof of commitment, self-worth, attractiveness, and being good enough. Double or nothing if the other person acts uninterested.
It’s kinda fucked up when you really think about it.
Of course, some people don’t get down like that.
Some folks can do it without making up a whole story. It’s not that they have thicker skin. They just don’t conflate sex, love, intimacy, and shared addresses.
I’ve been that person too. Several times, actually. And I must say, it is liberating.
But that begs the question: why do we need to make it mean anything at all?
And for the record, casual sex can be intimate. Wrote a whole post about it. 👇🏾
But intimacy doesn’t have to mean forever. It doesn’t even have to mean tomorrow.
Intimacy can just be intimate.
I’m not talking about two ships passing in the night. But I believe that two ships can meet in the harbor, do the horizontal (or vertical) boogie, and go on minding their own business.
Because sometimes forever is a quickie. Or a recurring hookup, with heartstrings but no other strings attached.
And sometimes forever means until one or both people die.
There’s no right or wrong way. But on that we may never agree.
In this episode, we’re exploring the tension between our inherent biology and our need to make sex mean something.
Listen here (up there 👆🏾) or wherever you get your podcasts.
If this resonated with you, share the link with a friend
or, even better, with your partner.
